I wanted to share some rough material and get a little feedback on the character. There is one new character that I'm introducing early on in the book. The following is part of a scene from his introduction. Please post and let me know what you think of the character. Just a reminder - this is the roughest draft imaginable (no editing yet), so please keep that in mind. Also, I can't guarantee that some or all of this text won't end up in my recycle bin at some point. This is more conceptual than anything. Enjoy!
START OF DRAFT TEXT
The status monitors above the bed of the clone registered the increased heartbeat when the electronic voice had spoken. The officer that had utilized the translator droid to speak sat down at a monitoring station in the center of the room and wiped his hand over his face nervously.
“We don’t typically bring clones back out of stasis, especially not off-planet. I can’t predict how he’ll behave. This is against all of our protocols.”
The man the officer was speaking to flipped his hand and waved off his concerns, walked over to the monitors and began looking at the body that the various sensors were attached to. He looked down at the face of the clone, then back at the officer.
“What is this one’s name,” he asked, grasping the clone’s chin with a black-gloved hand and twisting his face side to side gently.
“MAT731, version sixteen,” the officer said nervously, looking around the room. The man near the clone sighed, then cleared his throat loudly.
“His name, not his version number,” he said impatiently. The officer held up a hand and mumbled that he understood. Keying the console in front of him, he brought up the information on the clone.
“Christian Franklin. Earth age approxi-,” the officer began, then was cut off with another wave of the hand by the man examining the clone. He stopped what he was doing and glared at the officer.
“His name. That’s all I asked for. Shut up.” He paused for a moment, and, seeing the shocked look on the young officer’s face, added one word to his sentence. “Please,” he added gently.
He resumed his examination of the clone, lifting both arms, checking his legs, sliding his eyelids open and checking the pupils.
“Do you have the transfer authorization card for me,” he asked without looking at the officer.
“It’s all set. I even took the liberty of maki-”
“Yes or no will do nicely,” the man said, interrupting the officer mid-sentence. He straightened up, then backed away from the clone, tilting his head in a puzzled manner. “Do you have a translator implant that I can borrow?”
“What,” the officer asked. The man turned on the officer, glaring at him again.
“Do. You. Have. A. Translator. Implant. Yes. Or. No,” the man said in a pronounced tone. He gave the officer a disgusted look, then raised his eyebrows and nodded his head at him as encouragement for the young officer to answer. He folded his hands neatly in front of him, watching the officer.
“Ye-ye-yes, of course,” he stammered, scrambling to get out of his chair. The officer went over to a squat box, searched through a medical cabinet, and pulled several small containers out and gathered them up in his hands. Holding them out in front of him, he walked towards the man, watching as he smoothed his long white hair behind him and adjusted his ponytail.
“What’re the differences,” the man asked the officer as he neared. The officer licked his lips, then attempted to shift one of the containers into one hand. The others started to slip, and the man reached out to steady the containers.
“Put them on his chest,” he ordered the officer.
“The clone’s?” the officer asked, seemingly confused.
“Yes, the clone. He’s not going anywhere.”
The officer twisted to place the containers on top of Christian’s chest. As he neared the edge of the bed, one of the containers slipped and fell, bouncing on the bed and smacking into the side of the clone’s head. The officer stopped in mid-movement, and fearfully looked up at the man beside him.
“I’m sure he’s quite alright. Put them down,” he ordered the officer, then stepped back and waited as the officer opened up each container.
“This one here will translate standard Fe-Ruq, Shalotha, and Aormy dialects, both inputs and outputs. This one,” the officer said, holding up a small device about a third of the size of the fingernail on his pinky finger, “will translate every dialect in those same systems.” He waited for an answer from the man.
The man stood silently and waited for the officer to continue. Seeing he wasn’t going to continue without prompting, he motioned with his eyes towards the other two containers on Christian’s chest. The officer put down the unit that he was holding and looked back up at the man.
“Kursk,” the officer started. The man with the long white hair reached over and pulled the officer towards him by his collar, bringing him nose to nose.
“Do not ever say my name. Is that clear?”
The officer visibly swallowed, then barely managed an audible reply. The man let go of the officer’s jacket, and placed a hand on his shoulder, smoothing out the wrinkle he had made.
“Please, you were saying,” he said politely to the officer.
“Uh, this one here,” he said as he picked up the third container, “is the newest Earth translator. This has all of the languages and dialects of the last one, but this also has all of the known Earth languages and dialects.” He paused and looked at the man for permission to continue. Kursk nodded at the officer without saying a word.
“The last one is the most expensive, and probably more than you need,” the officer blurted out quickly, reaching to gather up all of the containers. Kursk laid a hand on his arm to halt his movements.
“Please, do tell. Why would you think that it's more than I need,” he asked.
“Uh, this one is a military encoder for pilots. It has the encryption languages used for communicating with the onboard navigation systems, including the new Devilspears.”
“And why wouldn’t I need this,” Kursk asked quickly. He smiled slightly at the officer.
“Unless you plan on getting him a commission within the military, that little baby has more power than you need. Especially if you just want to talk to this clone.”
“How much for this one,” Kursk asked. He reached over and picked up the last one the officer had described. Opening the container, he peered inside at the small implant.
“This is gonna get me in trouble,” the officer whined. Kursk looked over at the officer and repeated his question. “For you, I’ll go ninety thousand.”
Kursk let his surprise show briefly, then took a step towards the officer.
“Ninety? You wouldn’t be trying to make even more money off me, would you Lieutenant Sarilles?”
Sarilles quickly shook his head. “No, no, it’s nothing like that. But if the price is too steep, you can always go with one of the cheaper models.” He paused before continuing. “Or, I can cut you a better deal on that one, and you can put it in yourself.” He gave Kursk a sardonic grin.
Kursk snorted derisively, then folded his arms and looked the officer over.
“Let’s call it seventy-five, and I don’t turn you in for working the black market.”
Sarilles looked at him questioningly.
“Don’t be a fool Sarilles. Do you really think I’m able to be here without someone else approving? If you don’t want to deal, I’ll find someone else that will. In fact, Lieutenant Naus has already expressed interest in working with me should you prove to be, shall we say, uncooperative.”
“Naus,” Sarilles exclaimed incredulously. “She doesn’t even know how to do the implants!”
“Nonetheless, she’s willing to work at a considerably cheaper price to get it installed. In fact, she’s already agreed to throw in the translator installation as part of the package.”
Sarilles couldn’t hide the shocked look on his face. “You’ve already approached her about our deal?”
Kursk smiled at him. “She knows about ‘a’ deal, not necessarily ‘our’ deal. However, if you can’t do seventy-five, then she and I will make arrangements, and you’ll miss out on it all. I believe it’s a reasonably fair offer, don’t you?”
Sarilles sucked in his cheeks, waffling between showing anger at Kursk, and trying not to be offensive. He finally decided on acquiescence, and nodded slightly towards him.
“I can start now. Why don’t you have a seat over there. This should only be an hour or two.”
Kursk patted him on his upper arm, and turned to walk over to the seat Sarilles had motioned towards.
END OF DRAFT TEXT
Hope you enjoyed that snippet. Let me know what you think!
Erik
